cambia toda cambia

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." -Anais Nin.

When life drastically changes from one life to the next new beginning, I am always pulled between my past and future. Where will this new path take me, how has my past path driven me here, will I ever know exactly where I am going and what I will be doing? I think the answer to that last question is becoming more and more prevalent, that no, I may not ever know.

There is some magnetic pull that draws people to travel. Some force greater than ourselves that sends us seeking something; in the deserts, oceans, skies, and stars around the globe. A search for a change from the mundane, a shift from the daily grind, and maybe a search to find something greater than ourselves. The risk as always though, is this, something I have recently started to discover, the risk is that when we go back to our "normal" lives we will never live the same. Nothing will glimmer the way it does as a bright eyed traveler steps off the plane. Nothing will ever be as exhilarating or exciting, as when you see the sun setting over the ocean in India, or you sit through a 14 hour over night bus ride winding through the hills of Nepal. Nothing will ever be as unpredictable. This is also why I feel confident to say I might just be flying away for a lifetime, not only to search for those exhilarating and humbling experiences, but to keep life a little bit interesting.

I'm not cynical, but I really believe this is the high risk we are all willing to take when we leave everything that is safe, comfortable, and familiar for an suspecting road full of twists and turns. A life full of surprises, challenges, and constant change. Living and traveling abroad, for me at least, has never provided a dull minute. There are so many unexpected events throughout the day, something I 't think I have ever experienced living the states. Just simply walking the twenty minutes from home to work is a risk in itself. Now that I have mastered weaving through traffic like pac-man on speed, seriously, I can walk across five lanes of traffic no, no problem. The surprises and obstacles truly are unbelievable in quantity.

Something about change that is really beginning to wear me down though, is the constant goodbyes. Saying goodbye just really takes something out of you, and I don't think it will ever get easier. I feel so lucky for the handful of really great friends I have made in Nepal, but what makes leaving the hardest, is having to say goodbye again. When you meet people abroad, sometimes the connection is almost instant, as if you can skip all the small talk and same stories and just get right down to the knitty gritty. Time has no indication of friendship, some people you might spend a week with while traveling seem like life long friends, and this is quite remarkable. I don't know if it's the searching for human connections or solidarity, or just a need to socialize, but it consistently happens when you are out of the comfort zone.

All in all, I guess I'm back to the usual philosophizing about changes in life and trying to figure it all out. The most terrifying, yet beautiful part of all of this, is that I just might not. So for now I think I'll kick back, relax, throw my hands in the air, and dance in the street. Who's with me?

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." -Barack Obama