here comes the bride

A girl I work with, she is my age and beautiful, intelligent, and hardworking; she is getting married this week. She met her soon to husband last week. Yes, one week ago. Now, they are to be wed in a ceremony that will last days. So in honor of International Women's Day, which is March 8th-and I urge all of you to find out what events are happening in your cities- I thought I would bring this to your attention. Again, something that is on my mind lately.

So first, let me tell you a little about what has been happening in Nepal lately, on a regular basis. It is wedding season. The funny thing is, I could swear it was wedding season when I arrived, wedding season when I will leave, and wedding season far into the monsoons that sweep over Nepal. While I love weddings-maybe not my own but all the other ones-this is something I am feeling a little conflicted over, and this phenomenon is not simply restricted to Nepal but is happening in many marginalized places. That is, arranged marriages. Yes, they are still happening. To women, girls, and children the world over. There is no choice involved, other than the choice of the bride and grooms parents, in choosing the appropriate mate for their daughters and sons.

Everyday women and men are wed, who are nothing more than strangers. Maybe they have met over coffee, tea, or a family arranged meal; but usually, and if the wedding is devoid of any courtship, these two people are joined in holy matrimony with someone they have barely exchanged words with.

Women younger than teenagers, are wed to men twice their age. Outdated in wrinkles and red paan stains, they take their blushing brides home as a prized possession.

While love marriages are on the up and up and more common today, from what I have gathered arranged marriage still take the cake. For me, at the ripe old age of 24, I can barely even think about my own wedding, not only do I break out in a cold sweat and feel like running away (and yes I'm exaggerating, I'm not that terrified of commitment) I just can't fathom being forced into a marriage for cultural, religious, and familial reasons; in which maybe the only voice I have, is in choosing the color of my sari.

Can you imagine just for a second, if you never knew how it felt to be in love. If you were married to someone you simply learned to like, and maybe if you are lucky, learn to love. If you are committed to someone for your life, who you may or may not ever enjoy sleeping with. Committed to someone enough to bear their children, but never have the kind of support you need to raise them.

I know, who am I to judge this culture and ancient tradition, especially when I am only scraping the very surface of understanding anything that goes on. It just seems tragic to me, that in so much of the world, not just women, but millions of people lack something we so take for granted; CHOICE. I know it is not my place to pose an argument, or even say how it makes me feel, so I guess this is best I can do for now. Since when did blogs start to get so personal? I just wonder, do these couples who go through life in a marriage they did not necessarily choose out of love or lust, but out of the confines of religious beliefs, is it possible to really be in love?

what does everyone think about all this? I really am curious...