past life

I


I did not know what community meant until I lived in El Salvador in 2006. It is baffling to think this semester abroad, a period of just four months, was already three years ago. Traveling and living abroad this time around (this is the first time I have left the US since I was in Central America) in the Asian subcontinent, has provided it's own challenges and complex issues. However, I consistently catch myself thinking of events from the semester long ago.

I remember during orientation the first week we arrived in San Salvador, meeting the new faces we would spend every waking minute with, and going through the usual welcoming ice breakers. Someone told us that we would arrive in El Salvador with our hearts open, and we would leave with our hearts broken. I was unsure of what those words meant at the time, but it is something I constantly come back to in my mind. In a way, I do believe I was broken, possibly into a million pieces, and I have slowly been working to put those back together. The biggest challenge has been finding a sense of community, at home in San Francisco, at home in Seattle, and now abroad on my own. It is a lot easier said than done. these new experiences are completely different and of their own, many things remain the same. The stark contrast between the marginalized poor and the elitist wealthy classes. Not to mention, the caste system deeply ingrained in Asian culture. Yet time and again, I am drawn back to the memories and people I shared my time with in Central America.

It is hard not to compare everything to the CASA because it was so wonderful, in that earth shattering sort of way, but I also think it has something to do with the stagnat feeling this internship has been giving me. Each and every day in El Salvador felt so full, so life giving, emotional, and connected. I have found those things in Nepal, but on a much smaller scale and at much shorter intervals. My question is this: How do we find thing to do so that everyday feels full...fulfilling?

I found these photos on a website I set up way back when, and it was almost like uncovering buried treasure. It's also interesting to look at photos taken from the person I was then, in comparison to the more recent photos I have been compiling on this trip.
Maybe this time was really meant for me to finally grow out of the adolescent shell I protected myself in for years on end. Maybe I think about El Salvador because that was beginning of great changes in my life. Maybe I needed a combination of a great community living environment then, and a solo journey now.


I love Nepal. I love India. I love that we can eat food with our hands. I love how beautiful and warm the people are. I love the indescribable breathtaking landscapes. I love the contrast of dark chocolate skin and vibrant saris. I love hearing new languages; Hindi, Nepali, Tamil, Marathi, Newari, Gujarati. I love the mountains. But I still sometimes feel as though I am not on the right continent. I have tried learning Nepali, and it just is not catching. Spanish on the other hand feels like I was born to speak it, and even now whenever I hear it spoken, even in Nepal, I think my heart skips a beat. Maybe I was born in Latin America in another life. I have been told I look India, Nepali, Mexican, Israeli etc....guess I am somewhat of a chameleon with that anonymous blood in me, but personally I think I look more Latina than Asian. hah. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.
Well these are some long lost photos from the CASA. Someday I'll get back there.