thoughts.

I walked home slowly yesterday. I am usually one of those walkers who always looks like they're in a rush, I am not, I just like walking fast. For some reason yesterday, it was just too much. I reached this dusty soccer field, positioned between two raging roads of honking cars, and strewn with mountains of potholes; and all I could do was stand there and watch.

There was a pick up game being held, the first time I have seen an actual futbol game being played here. I was curiously drawn to this, and immediately thought about jumping in to play, but then I noticed there was not a single female on the field. Shocking, not in the least, but sad in the kind of way that makes you crumble a little, yes.

In the past few years I have realized quitting soccer was really, like going through my first real breakup. I went through all the same roller coaster ride of emotions as any real breakup, and not until almost three years after I quit have I seriously considered playing again. It may sound silly that it took me this long to get over a game, but this game was something that had shaped my life for at least 15 years, most of which I spent hour upon hour training for this "game." It was what defined me, what I felt most passionately about, what was me...or so I thought. Now I hardly recognize who that person was.

Still, reflecting on this past life, I realized how significant this game was for me, and thinking of all those girls who never get to play sports, whaat? It was an outlet, an escape, a rush. Something so necessary and unnecessary at the same time, yet I can only imagine how different I would be today, had I not been at one time categorized as an athlete.

So yesterday, to really notice this game and to think how badly I wanted to just dive in and play, while also recognizing it as not really an option, is a bit heartbreaking. So this is something that really struck a chord with me.

As if I didn't think about gender issues before, I feel that traveling to the far reaches of the world and really witnessing gender discrimination and oppression, blatantly, every single day; has opened my eyes to something so prevalent, it cannot be overlooked anymore. It is not just the male dominated sports arena as a global phenomenon, but the truth is, women are mistreated, oppressed, and discriminated against all over the world. On a global scale, and it's not simply in the developing world, but even more discretely in the sidewalks of our safe haven, at home.

I am constantly amazed by the stunning beauty of all the women I have encountered in this expansive subcontinent. Undoubtedly some of the most beautiful women to roam this earth, like princesses from an era long ago. They are not only incredibly gorgeous, but tough as nails in every respect. From miniature old aged women who carry kilos of rice on their heads up mountain passes, to the homeless women sitting on the corner with their babies every day, to the outspoken educated women who are shouting out loud. I cannot even begin to imagine the multitude of sacrifices these women have made, day in and day out; to raise families, work in the fields, care for entire extended families. These women, they are the backbone of this culture.

I am thankful for the pioneers of our Civil Rights movement. Thankful for the endless opportunities presented to me everyday. Thankful for my ability to choose, who I will love and spend my life with, where my life will take me from education to travel; I just don't think this is enough. What are we doing if we're not fighting for equality of men and women the world around. I don't think it is enough to just sit back and fight for our own lives, I think we need to fight for everyone's life. I mean, this is my life, your life, eveyone's life, and it only happens once as far as we know. I just don't even know where to begin.

Who knows. This is a bit of a rant, but I thought I should share what some of my thoughts have been about lately.

Still truckin along at work, and trying to see where my life will take me next.